Here is one more reason other countries hate us.



Is there a science to picking up women at the mall?

The answer is yes, and Ian Panchevre, 18, and Stephen Odanovich, 18, have spent the past two years studying it.

The two seniors at Clark High School have won a series of science fair competitions by studying what attracts boys to girls and vice versa. They have proven that science isn't all about petri dishes and laboratories.

In 2006, the team of then-sophomores placed in a state science fair competition for their study of the role attitude plays in picking up women at the mall. They found confidence wins out overall.

Ian Panchevre and Stephen Odanovich, Clark High School seniors, won $1,000 by studying what attracts boys to girls and vice versa.
"Nobody believed we would do much with it," Panchevre said. "Somewhere along the line, we fell in love with the idea of going to the international fair."

So they broadened their study by surveying teenagers' "attitudes regarding love, relationships, sex and attraction," Panchevre said.

Not only did they go to the fair this year, but they also took home a prize. In the teams project category, the duo won $1,000 for "a statistical analysis of dispositions in teenage affinity and physical intimacy inspired by sociological and biological disparities" at the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair.

For their project, they posted a survey on MySpace.com and Facebook and asked all of their friends to respond. But the survey got even greater response than they expected. In all, they surveyed more than 6,000 teenagers and collected data on their age, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, wealth, and religious, political and social views. Next, each person answered a series of questions about relationships.

"We had a lot of data to work with," Panchevre said.

Their study found "that the older a person gets, the more comfortable they become with sex. Men are more driven by sexual desires, while women are more driven by family desires." They also discovered "that Hispanics and blacks had a stronger sense of family unity" and "the wealthier desired qualities that could be used in further pursuit of wealth."

Panchevre says he has no aptitude for science. He and Odanovich created a science fair club at their school because they wanted to compete and their school didn't offer a formal program.

In the future, Panchevre wants to become a politician. He plans to study economics or political science, and Odanovich wants to pursue a business career.

"We had an unorthodox project," Panchevre said. "It drew a lot of attention to science fair."

Some of their fondest memories from high school will be from the science fair competitions, Panchevre said. The Intel fair exposed them to ideas, people and cultures worldwide. They also saw some incredible science projects.

"There is definitely a lot of promise for the future scientists and innovators of the world," Panchevre said.

Bob H

We can't make this stuff up, unfortunately.

SEATTLE

Ever wonder what the Seahawks' locker room tastes like after a big game?

Apparently, Jones Soda Co. thinks Seattle NFL fans want to know. The company started taking online pre-orders Thursday for a five-pack of sodas with flavors it says reflect the hard work of professional football players.

Clare Bowles, a spokeswoman for the Seattle-based company, said the four literally named flavors -- Dirt, Sports Cream, Perspiration and Natural Field Turf -- are "pretty lifelike."

"Perspiration Soda is kind of salty tasting," she said, with a slightly higher sodium content than the average soda, with a smooth, "stinky football sock" finish.

A sip of Sports Cream Soda conjures up the experience of rubbing ointment into an aching muscle, while Natural Field Turf Soda is like "playing tackle football, and you get tackled really hard, you're down on the ground and you get a little bit of the grass in your teeth," Bowles said.

The only sweet soda of the bunch, Sweet Victory, has a berry flavor.

Each bottle features the photo of a Seattle Seahawks player. Limited quantities of the five-pack will be sold in select stores starting Oct. 1.

In May, Jones Soda announced it won a five-year contract to sell nonalcoholic beverages at the Seahawks' home stadium, Qwest Field, beating out The Coca-Cola Co.

Bob H

Recently, a musician friend of mine has been including this joke in his act.

A bear walks into a bar and sits down. he calls the bartender over and says “I'd like a gin … … … … … … … and tonic.”

The bartender says “okay, but why the big pause?”

The bear looks down and says ….“I dunno, I've had them all my life.”

Not much I like better than a horrible joke, so I felt the need to add to my friend's material. These should be of such awful quality. I like them. Thank you.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and says, "That'll be $2.50." The leprechaun puts two dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep shouts, "You're a little short!"

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and the mushroom says - "Why not? I'm a fungi."

John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So why the long face?"

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender "Hey, what's that all about?" The bartender replies, "Don't take it personally, he never says 'Hi' to anyone."

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"

A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Bob H

Ford Develops Coffee-powered Vehicle

Dearborn, MI - Ford Motor Company has announced that they have completed the first ever commercially available, coffee-powered motor vehicle. Instead of gasoline, the car's engine will process coffee, extracting the caffeine to produce energy to move the vehicle.

The motor was first designed by Rick Hammerson, a member of the Ford ResearchTeam, and was later improved by his co-workers.

Alan Drumming, another member of the R&D Team, stated, "It actually started as a joke among the team. We were joking about making a car that would run on over-caffeinated hamsters, but Rick took it seriously and one day just showed up at work with the design. We were flabbergasted."

Hammerson said, "I can't get into the details of design, but I can tell you that coffee is a more efficient fuel than gasoline ever was. The car will run like normal, except the muffler will now be filled with coffee filters."

The first models will be a coffee-powered SUV named the “Espresso.”

Starbucks has begun to replace most of its corner coffee shops with coffee stations, where drivers will be able to pump their cars full of regular or espresso. So, unlike hydrogen vehicles, the fueling structure is nearly already in place.

"We are also working on a hybrid car, which will run on electricity and decaf," added Hammerson.

Some environmentalists are claiming that this could end up doing more harm than gas emissions, as the expected output would be slightly caffeinated steam. The thought of birds sucking in copious amounts of this exahaust brings heightened concerns for aviation safety, especially among hummingbirds.

In unrelated news, the Bush administration has announced they believe that Colombia and Costa Rica have weapons of mass destruction.

Bob H

How do we love thee? Let us count the ways. According to another new study, we’ve counted a total of 237 different reasons that people would like to have sex.

203 men and 241 women ranging in age from 17 to 52 were surveyed at the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory of the University of Texas during this study.

When I was in school back in the late 1930s, all they had in Rowan College was a chemistry lab. Any sexual experimentation took place in the thoroughly romantic setting of my 1979 Pinto.

Anyway, the leading reason people wanted to have sex was, “I was attracted to the other person.” I suppose before we just hand over the Nobel Prize for sheer brilliance to the University of Texas, we should take a long, hard look at all of the facts.

In my own procreational area, New Jersey has proven to be a different climate when it comes to achieving your sexual peak. According to all of the data available to us at this writing, in this area guys are actually expected to shower, shave, care, and even call the next day.

So in New Jersey the bar is set that much higher for guys. Unless they try to pick up girls in bars and are willing to settle for the ones they find underneath the bar. The rest of us are generally a bit more choosy.

Those guys have listed the following reasons why guys want to have sex:

1.) There was no game on tonight.

2.) Because he could.

3.) His new credit card had just been approved.

4.) She’d been drinking two hours before he got there so he actually had a shot.

5.) He heard she’s so easy, even a caveman can do her.

6.) Because he could.

7.) Because of a deep and faithful commitment he has toward his lifetime partner.

8.) He believed that he loved this person.

9.) Because of a deep and faithful commitment he has toward his lifetime partner’s big screen TV.

10.) He was attracted to the other person.

11.) He was attracted to the other person’s sister yesterday.

12.) She’d never met him before, so she didn’t know what he was really like.

These same men surveyed said that oddly enough, these were the top reasons they had been turned down for sex:

1.) She wouldn’t supply the blood and urine specimens that he requested.

2.) She thought his columns were pointless and stupid.

3.) She claims to have seen you in an Al Queda training film.

4.) The role playing game of Martha Stewart and the caterer was just too weird for her.

5.) She didn’t appreciate all of the audio-visual equipment he brought for the occasion.

6.) She claims to have recognized his picture from the post office.

7.) He exceeded his credit card limit again.

8.) She took three cell phone calls during the last time they had sex.

9.) In a drunken moment, he admits to having called out his own name one night during masturbation.

10.) She called him a liar when he said that he had gray hair only because he had been “highlighting” it.

11.) He made a tactical mistake because she was stupid enough to go out with him, but smart enough to turn down sex with him.

But the guys from New Jersey are a different breed and much more sensitive to their own needs. These are the top reasons they gave for wanting to have sex:

1.) It’s something to do when you’re stuck in traffic on the Atlantic City Expressway.

2.) It’s something to do when you’re stuck in traffic on Route 38, Route 70, 322, I-295, etc.

3.) The idea of charging people to have sex on the New Jersey Turnpike can raise badly needed state revenue.

4.) He misunderstood the true meaning of E-Z Pass.

5.) He was trying to impress Tony Soprano.

6.) He was trying to impress Joe Piscopo.

7.) The woman was found to have a readable pulse.

8.) He’s trying to attract Miss New Jersey. Have you seen those pictures?

9.) With Jim McGreevey now joining the priesthood, the field has been cleared for both genders.

10.) He spent the previous day thinking up a surefire pick up line, “I want sex, and I want it now!”

Anyway, I don’t put a whole lot of stock in the results of surveys. Besides, they surveyed people up to the age of 52. I’m now 53. I guess I’ll be taking my walker to play shuffleboard or into Bingo halls.

But I am still optimistic that there is someone for everybody. Now please excuse me, I need to warm up my 1979 Pinto for a romantic night at the Bingo Hall. Thank you.

Bob H