New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine recently called himself “blessed” while he was continuing to recover from his automobile accident injuries.

And most likely that is truly the case. We always tend to reassess our lives if we happen to have lived through such a near-death situation.

But I have found other aspects of Governor Corzine’s life more interesting. It has been reported that the Governor earned $6.1 million during 2006, which was nearly $50 million less than he made in 2005.

Of course, it’s this kind of financial planning that makes him a natural to be the person who straightens out New Jersey’s budget issues.

Not that my own secrets to monetary success have turned out any better. My version of a financial windfall in recent years would be winning $3 in the state’s Pick-6 Lottery.

But my lottery retirement plan to the Cayman Islands hasn’t worked out as well as I had hoped. Instead, I recently traveled to Ocean City with a friend and her son to look at vacation beachfront condominiums.

As summertime approaches, the shore life in New Jersey is always an enjoyable time. You can experience sun, fun, and meet a lot of new friends from all over. And that’s just while you’re stuck in traffic on the way down.

Thankfully the Atlantic City Expressway tolls are regulated by the automobile and not by the amount of passengers, so the three of us combined pay $5 for the round trip. As opposed to the approximately $450 we would pay if we were trying to attend a Phillies game.

And that doesn’t include parking charges.

Anyway, in order to get the best possible condominium rates in Ocean City, it’s always best to plan that sun and fun vacation around a holiday. Like Valentine’s Day or Thanksgiving. Granted, you may need to baste in a tanning bed with the turkey to tan, but you won’t need to put up $1400 to book a week after June 22.

After carefully considering options like trashing their office, we got the best condo rate possible and then headed for a walk on the boardwalk. Again this year this is not just a walk in the park.

Admittedly we learned early in life that the best things in life are free. But it’s easier to stop and smell the roses in New Jersey on nights when your local oxygen bar isn’t instituting a cover charge.

Somewhere along the line this little boardwalk morphed into the Trump Tower. Five slices of pizza and three soft drinks brought us a bill of just under $30.

Later two cups of coffee, which everyone knows is one of life’s greatest nutrients and were relatively small for that matter, came to $2 apiece. And Memorial Day hadn’t even arrived at this point.

To date my financial earnings plan rides along the same line as the governor’s. My employer has been offering a three percent cost of living raise in recent years. Meanwhile the cost of living goes up by about seven percent a year or so.

Considering this on the boardwalk, I realized that either my math was off or the seagulls were circling overhead.

Meanwhile, occasionally the lottery drawing prize rises above $100 million on a good night. And someone who always forgets that I am their new best friend always wins it. On that same drawing I match a Powerball number and win a whopping $2.

My friends and I feel that we have simple needs. We need rides and a day of enjoyment for a 14-year old. Then we want wine and a respectable entrée for Mom and me. Not necessarily at the same time.

We believe that we are thoroughly responsible people, and would always set the best possible example for the boy, except when he’s not around. If we had that well-deserved financial windfall, the boy would be running the rides at Six Flags Amusement Park, and would only admit customers at his own discretion.

But I would have to draw the line at admitting that creepy dancing Six Flags guy.

It turned out that I was also blessed on this afternoon. The amusement rides were not opened yet since winter in New Jersey just concluded on April 20. So the elder figure of this threesome did not receive the opportunity to endure the sheer joy of projectile vomiting on any rides.

Governor Corzine is indeed blessed. He’ll never have to worry about that drop in income, and he survived his accident and is still breathing.

Although if he chooses to do so at a New Jersey beach, he’ll have to pay for the beach tag.

I also have been incredibly blessed. I am healthy, and I have good friends with which I can spend vacation time.

So in regards to a conclusion, we have realized that it takes fiscal responsibility to achieve the comfort level you desire in life. You can’t count on any hopeless longshot like a lottery plan to fulfill your wildest dreams.

My friends and I have figured out a solid financial plan, which will enable us to satisfy our basic needs in life.

We need to work for the state.

Nah, I think winning the lottery has better odds.

Bob H

Make your own redneck art!

Craft Tips by Don Burleson . . .

It's always tough to find entertaining and educational craft activities for the kiddies. In North Carolina, the redneck kids make realistic gingerbread houses that look just like their real homes:a single-wide gingerbread house. But let's face it, gingerbread houses get old, and the tikes crave something new, something that's both fun and exciting.

The trick is to find a craft that's both fun and educational, and something that the whole family can enjoy together.

The answer is obvious; redneck art.

For centuries, families have enjoyed the camaraderie and joy of making alien heads from deer butts. Join the fun! Once you know the secrets, it's easy to transform an ordinary deer butt into a work of redneck fine art. Let's take a closer look at this ancient and noble craft of redneck art.

The fine art of Deer Butt alien heads.

In the world of fine redneck art, many of the top-tier deer butt aliens have been showcased by world renowned art exhibitions and galleries.

Deer butt head from my private collection As collectible redneck art, the artist's choice of alien features and butt construction techniques reflects the artistic expression and inner angst of the craftsman.

If you don't feel comfortable paying inflated prices for investment-quality rump art from a fine art gallery, you can find lots of high-quality animal rump art on eBay.

Also, look for lesser-know ass artists whose works will appreciate.

But for real family fun, take the plunge and make your own artistic ass creations. Making animal ass redneck art is easy once you know the secrets.

Deer ass alien heads are fun and educational activity for the whole family. The kids get a lesson in fine art, anatomy and taxidermy, but the kids think that they're just having fun! It's the perfect craft for children of all ages, young and old alike.

The quality of the deer butt alien head depends upon the craftsmanship and artistic vision of the redneck artist and the most highly-prized deer ass alien heads vary from simple to sophisticated works of art.

But the pleasures of making deer butt aliens is not just confined to the art world, and people across the USA are discovering the joys of making their own deer butt alien heads. Let's take a closer look at this phenomenon and see why crafting alien heads from deer's asses has become a popular craft for young and old alike.

All you need to create your own deer art is a styrofoam mannequin head, a fresh deer butt, a sharp knife and some glue and you are ready to get started making your own deer masterpiece.

Deer butt alien head aficionado's recommend that you start with a fresh deer carcass, and this always makes it more fun and educational for the kids because they can share the joy of disemboweling Bambi, they get a lesson in anatomy and taxidermy, and they have the thrill of creating a one-of-a-kind work of art.

Redneck Factoid: It's a curious fact of nature that a deer has just enough brains to tan their own hide, no more, no less.


In fact, every animal has enough brains to tan their own hide, except the Buffalo, of course . . .

In general, the leading deer butt artists concentrate on the details of the mouth.

Many deer butt snobs will put their art outside, bragging on their good taste. There is an example of the popular deer butt doorbells.

If you don't have any deer butt's handy, don't despair. Many creative folks will go on a scavenger hunt, searching for fresh road kill to use for their red neck art. Here is where the creative process is critical and you can let-loose with your artistic freedom to come up with a wealth of affordable fine art for your home. Even rodents can be sculptured into fine redneck art plaques.


The trick to any art collection is to identify talented redneck artists and acquire their works before they become famous.


This gentleman is one of my favorite up-and-coming squirrel butt artists, and I've bid on several of his amazing works of fine squirrel fine art.

I've noted in previous publications that our farm cats have been eating all of our squirrels and our concerns about mad squirrel disease.

It's really a waste to have half-eaten squirrel carcasses all over the ranch, and it occurred to me that these corpses could be used as an educational tool for children.

The kiddies can have hours of fun crafting a coffin for the deceased squirrel and you can have great fun doing a full open casket funeral and eulogy.

Oh, and they make a great gift too! The art on the left sold on eBay for only $77.55, a great example of investment-quality squirrel art.

No matter how you slice them, creating animal butt art is a fun and educational experience for the whole family.

Believe it or don't.

Bob H

Across the U.S., people — OK, mostly women — have been rushing to their local spas this week to receive some weird and wacky treatments, from procedures first devised by NASA to face lifts that don't require going under the knife.

Behinds are looking extra fine, thanks to facials targeting the rear end, and some treatments are so good, you could eat them — literally.

Even better, these treatments come cheap. Much like the "restaurant weeks" hosted in major cities, where diners get to try culinary delights at a lower flat rate, SpaWeek participants can pamper themselves silly with a variety of treatments for only $50. In some cases, this can be a savings of more than $125.

FOXNews.com took a look at some of the more interesting treatments available. To check out spas near you (there are still three days left) go to spaweek.org.

Top 7 Weird Treatments Offered During SpaWeek:

1. Sweet Cheeks Derriere Facial, Euphoria Spa
Whenever women go for a facial, they expect the treatment to be on their cheeks — of their face, that is. But at Detroit-area spa Euphoria, the facials apply to the other set of cheeks — the ones you sit on.

"We always try to come up with different ideas for services and I just hadn't seen it," said spa owner Lisa Johnson. "And that's an area that never gets the treatments it needs. It's like, 'Don't touch the goods.' We sampled it on a staff member to make sure clients would feel comfortable."

Johnson said clients are still covered up as they have their derrieres cleansed and exfoliated. Then a masque is applied and any waxing, if needed, is done. The treatment ends with a warm paraffin treatment.

"The [biggest] problem with it is that people are so apprehensive. But once they get it, they're like, 'Oh my gosh, that feels so good.'"

Johnson said the treatment is available to both men and women, but so far, men haven't taken to it.

Regular price: $65. SpaWeek: $50.

2. New York Post Page Six Facial, Aqua Vitae Spa
Named for famed gossip column Page Six, which runs daily in the New York Post, this customized facial gives the spa-goer a specialized treatment that focuses on the client's particular needs.

Spa director Isabel Sutherland says the Manhattan spa has no connection to the Post's gossip column, except for the fact that clients who have this facial might want to look like the celebrities it chronicles.

Of the seven treatments listed here, this is the one I was able to experience for myself. It was my first-ever facial, and I can say it was interesting — and more painful than I expected (I had no idea so much stuff could live in my pores!)

But the Dead Sea mask felt great, and when it was all said and done, I definitely noticed a difference.

Sutherland tailored my facial to help tighten my pores and give my face muscles some extra lift. Aquavitae also offers a special light treatment called LumiLift. Originally used by NASA to heal injured astronauts, this treatment lifts collagen to the skin's surface. (Note to other facial newbies: Do not get one on the day of a special event — your skin tone looks uneven afterward. However, the next day, you look amazing.)

Regular price: $125. SpaWeek: $50.

3. Caviar Spa Pedicure, Spa Newbury
Some prefer caviar on a cracker. Some prefer it with a little lemon juice and a sip of champagne. And some prefer it rubbed all over their feet.

No, this isn't a weird fish-egg foot fetish. Rather it's a treatment offered at Spa Newbury, where clients have their feet smothered in products enhanced with fish eggs to help replenish their skin.

Boston spa owner Selena Belise said the treatment includes a "marine collagen, similar to the skin's own chemistry, so it binds the skin and brings nutrients ... that are missing."

Clients first experience a scrub with an exfoliant and then they receive a foot mask, followed by a massage. Regular price $100. SpaWeek: $50.

4. Chocolate Manicure, DeFranco Spagnolo Salon

After a caviar pedicure, spa-goers might want to finish off with something sweet, like a chocolate manicure.

Clients first receive a scrub to slough off dead skin as well as a hand massage. Then a mask is applied, leaving "your skin smoother and beautiful like a baby's skin," according to Nina Ibragimtchaev, spa director at the Great Neck, N.Y., salon.

Manicure: $19

5. Green & White Tea Sundance Body Facial, Eurasia Spa

We know green tea is good for the heart — but good for the skin?
Eurasia Spa marketing director Rebecca Hing says so. Her Scottsdale, Ariz.-based spa offers an award-winning green and white tea body facial that rejuvenates the skin with its antioxidants.

White tea — the "youngest" form of tea — is especially potent because it's so close to its most natural state and hasn't been processed. Green and white tea leaves are combined with ginger essence oil, unrefined sugar and shea butter.

"It's awesome," Hing said. "You basically want to eat it."

She recommends a Japanese soak beforehand to help the client relax.
Regular body facial price: $175/80 minutes. SpaWeek: $50/60 minutes.

6. Quantum Biofeedback Stress Reduction, VH Spa for Vitality + Health

Clients looking to reduce stress might at first experience more stress when they see the set-up for the VH Spa for Vitality + Health's Quantum Biofeedback Stress Reduction treatment, a procedure initially used to help with pain management.
At the spa, which is at the Hotel Valley Ho also in Scottsdale, clients have wires strapped around their wrists and heads and are hooked up to a computer that monitors their electric energy.

These impulses, according to spa director Brad Garret, "are translated into hormone levels, stress indicators, serotonin levels, liver and organ functions." Impulses are then sent back to the body to try to achieve balance in these various area, Garret said.

Best of all, the entire process is painless.

"Most clients just fall asleep," he said.

Regular price: $150. SpaWeek: $50.

7. Non-Surgical Face Lift, Platinum Skin Care

Are you in need of a lift but not at liberty to jet off to Mexico while you recuperate?

Platinum Skin Care's non-surgical face lift might be a good replacement. The Detroit-area skin care and medical spa offers what it calls a "low-frequency treatment to re-educate the muscles," according to spa director Dora Waylen.
An aesthetician wears gloves that deliver electric currents while massaging the client's face.

Regular price: $100. SpaWeek: $50.
——-
Sure, it's nice to grow old gracefully, but there's nothing wrong with having a little help along the way. And — as SpaWeek highlights — you don't have to be in New York or Los Angeles to find these anything-but-normal services.

Bob H

Des'ree's 1990s hit "Life" contains the worst pop lyrics of all time, according to a listener poll held by BBC 6 Music.

Thanks to music fans voting in the station's Taxing Lyrical survey, Des'ree won the unflattering honor over Razorlight's "Somewhere Else" and Snap's "Rhythm Is A Dancer"--the latter artists both collecting 30 percent of the votes respectively.

The offending Des'ree lyrics are: "I don't want to see a ghost/It's the sight that I fear most/I'd rather have a piece of toast/Watch the evening news."

BBC 6 Music presenter Marc Riley, who counted down the Taxing Lyrical Top Ten last Friday (May 4) says, "Bad lyrics can come in all forms--some acceptable, some less so. Dumb is sometimes OK, but pious and pretentious and pompous are obviously never to be encouraged nor tolerated."

ABC singer Martin Fry, who is at number 4 for his lyrics to "That Was Then But This Is Now," told Riley, "I have been waiting for this kind of accolade for years. The most memorable lyrics are often the stupidest."

The BBC 6 Music Taxing Lyrical Top 10 is as follows:

1. Des'ree - "Life"
"I don't want to see a ghost/It's the sight that I fear most/I'd rather have a piece of toast/Watch the evening news"

2. Snap - "Rhythm Is A Dancer"
"I'm as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer"

3. Razorlight - "Somewhere Else"
"And I met a girl/She asked me my name/I told her what it was"

4. ABC - "That Was Then But This Is Now"
"More sacrifices than an Aztec priest/Standing here straining at that leash/All fall down/Can't complain, mustn't grumble/Help yourself to another piece of apple crumble!"

5. U2 - "Elevation"
"I've got no self-control/Been living like a mole now/Going down, excavation/High and high in the sky/You make me feel like I can fly/So high/Elevation"

6. Toto - "Africa"
"The wild dogs cry out in the night/As they grow restless longing for some solitary company/I know that I must do what's right/Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti"

7. Oasis - "Champagne Supernova"
"Slowly walking down the hall/Faster than a cannonball/Where were you when we were getting high?"

8. Duran Duran - "Is There Something I Should Know?"
"And fiery demons all dance when you walk through that door/Don't say you're easy on me you're about as easy as a nuclear war"

9. Human League - "The Lebanon"
"Before he leaves the camp he stops/He scans the world outside/And where there used to be some shops/Is where the snipers sometimes hide"

10. Black Sabbath - "War Pigs"
"Generals gathered in their masses/Just like witches at black masses"

Bob H

-An apple, potato, and onion all taste the same if you eat them with your nose plugged

-Your brain is 80% water

-The "Vintage Date" on a bottle of wine indicates the year the grapes were picked, not the year of bottling.

-Harry Truman would often go on vacation and secretly have his twin brother Larry take his place.

-Because he forgot his boots, Buzz Aldrin walked barefoot on the moon.

-During a 9-month strike in 2002, the Weather Channel broadcast reruns.

-Governor Schwarzenegger devotes an hour each Wednesday to helping California residents with jars they can't open.

-New data suggests that so-called global warming may be due to a batch of faulty thermometers.

-Eleanor Roosevelt was a whiz at guessing people's weight.

-Frank Sinatra didn't want to record the song "My Way" but was forced to by his record label.

-In China, John Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath" is translated as "Angry Berries."

-Until 1958, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Chemistry was determined by applause.

-David Brenner's Masters Thesis was entitled, "Why Don't They Make the Entire Plane Out of the Black Box?"

-Until 1947, the winner of the Masters Golf Tournament received a green jacket and matching fez.

-Abraham Lincoln's publicist threatened to pull him out of the Lincoln-Douglas debates if he had to speak second.

-Which of your friends to you think your husband would most like to "make whoopee" to?

-While recovering from intestinal surgery, Chubby Checker wrote a song about his twisted colon.

-When Meryl Streep first moved to Hollywood, she made ends meet working as a drug mule.

-In 1982, Kim Jong-Il appeared as a contestant on "Tic Tac Dough".

-An embarrassed David Blaine once had to call AAA when he locked his keys in his car.

-Two hours after unveiling the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell received a call asking if he'd like to switch long-distance providers
- Rain contains Vitamin B12.

- Almonds are a member of the peach family.

- The sun shrinks five feet every hour.

- Eight out of ten marriages end in divorce.

- Dwight Eisenhower removed his own tonsils with a Swiss army knife.

- After administering anesthesia, 65% of dentists admit to putting party hats on patients.

- Since George W. Bush bought his Crawford Ranch, he has pretended to clear more than 30 acres of brush.

- Neil Armstrong says the most thrilling experience of his life was the Log Flume at Six Flags.

- Despite their bickering, friends believe that Donald Trump and Rosie will ultimately end up together.

- Two of Gladys Knight’s Pips are now high-ranking Taliban officials.

- In addition to his various Scientology works, L.Ron Hubbard also published an anthology of Polish jokes.

- Dick Van Dyke and Dick Van Patten have agreed to be judges on a new reality show called, “America’s Next Top Dick Van”.

- To advertise its quick-rising breadsticks, Pillsbury briefly made its doughboy anatomically correct.

- Expect construction delays all weekend on northbound lanes of the Taconic State Parkway.

- The Wright Brothers’ unsuccessful first airplane was pulled by horses.

- Some biblical scholars believe that during the summer, Jesus turned water into Sangria.

- Michelangelo took four years to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, but the first three of those he was just scraping.

- Is your exterminator poisoning vermin or Grandpa? John Stossel has some answers that may surprise you.

- Unlike the CIA and FBI, the makers of Cheese Nips and Cheez-Its constantly exchange information.

- The most common street name in the United States is 24th Street.

- The second most frequently spoken word in the English language is “geyser”.

- Ronald Reagan is the only president to have lip-synched the oath of office.

- In addition to radioactivity, new Geiger counters can detect cold cuts that have gone bad.

- You might be a redneck if you go to a family reunion looking to meet women.

- Mike Wallace has suspended for two weeks by CBS in 1987 when he asked Margaret Thatcher to take off her top.

Bob H