Things appear to be getting out of hand in the country these days. When was the last time cocaine was a legal soft drink and spinach was dangerous for you? Look. 

 

'Cocaine' drink claims to be real thing

The high-energy drink is being billed as a "legal alternative" to the class A drug, using a massive hit of caffeine instead of cocaine.

Its maker claims the title is "a bit of fun" but critics slammed the technique as a cynical ploy which could tempt young people into using drugs.

The drink's inventor, Jamie Kirby, said: "It's an energy drink, and it's a fun name. As soon as people look at the can, they smile."

He claims Cocaine is "350 percent stronger than Red Bull" but that people do not experience the "sugar crash" or jitters that he says some of the other energy drinks can produce.

But David Raynes, of the UK National Drug Prevention Alliance, said: "It is people exploiting drugs. It is a pretty cynical tactic exploiting illegal drugs for their own benefit."

Las Vegas-based drinks company Redux Beverages is producing the drink which contains 280 milligrams of caffeine. According to the company's website, the only way to get more caffeine per ounce is with an espresso.

Mr Raynes added: "The fact is that subliminally, it is making the image of drug use cool and that's what kids what to be, cool.

"Kids will be drinking Cocaine and will inevitably link the two. The drink is relatively innocuous, but they will be linking it with cocaine use and the market, which is far from innocuous."

Dr Charles O'Brien, a professor and vice chairman of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, said: "It's just a bad idea and has all the same downsides of too much caffeine plus a very bad name."

The company has received inquiries about selling Cocaine in Britain and throughout Europe. At the moment it is being sold only in the Los Angeles and New York metropolitan areas - mainly to teenagers.

 

Hey, at least it's a "fun" name and people are smiling, like the inventor said. Pinhead. In other news, at least Popeye eats out of the can, because:

 

Update on Multi-State Outbreak of E. coli O157:H7 Infections From Fresh Spinach, September 26, 2006

As of 1 PM (ET) September 26, 2006, Tuesday, 183 persons infected with the outbreak strain of E. coli O157:H7 have been reported to CDC from 26 states.

Among the ill persons, 95 (52%) were hospitalized, 29 (16%) developed a type of kidney failure called hemolytic-uremic syndrome (HUS), and an adult in Wisconsin died. One hundred thirty-one (72%) were female and 17 (9%) were children under 5 years old. 

Two deaths among suspect cases have been reported. 

E. coli O157 was isolated by state public health laboratories in Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Ohio from three more opened packages of spinach. The “DNA fingerprint”of the strain isolated in Pennsylvania matches that of the outbreak strain. “DNA fingerprinting” is underway on the strains isolated in Illinois and Ohio.

The following is advice for consumers about this outbreak:

• Currently, we are advising consumers to not eat any fresh spinach or salad blends containing spinach grown in the three counties in California implicated in the current E. coli O157:H7 outbreak -- Monterey County, San Benito County, and Santa Clara County.  Fresh spinach grown outside these counties can be safely eaten. Frozen and canned spinach can be safely eaten.

But at least these are just odd and limited cases. We don't have any real worry about the US going crazy. Oops. I'm sorry, but this is just wrong.

• 
  

  WEEKEND BOX OFFICE TOP TEN September 22 - 24, 2006 LW = Last Week   WR = Weeks Released THTRS = Number of Screens * Denotes new release. Click on title to read CB Review 1. Jackass: Number Two * $28,106,000   -   Total: $28,106,000 LW: N     WR: 1    THTRS: 3059 2. Jet Li's Fearless * $10,564,000   -   Total: $10,564,000 LW: N     WR: 1    THTRS: 1806 3. Gridiron Gang $9,700,000   -   Total: $27,201,000 LW: 1    WR: 2    THTRS: 3510 4. Flyboys * $6,012,000   -   Total: $6,012,000 LW: N     WR: 1    THTRS: 2033 5. Everyone's Hero $4,750,000   -   Total: $11,594,000 LW: 3    WR: 2    THTRS: 2898 6. The Black Dahlia $4,438,000   -   Total: $17,259,000 LW: 2    WR: 2    THTRS: 2236 7. All the King's Men * $3,800,000   -   Total: $3,800,000 LW: N     WR: 1    THTRS: 1514 8. The Covenant $3,300,000   -   Total: $20,305,000 LW: 4    WR: 3    THTRS: 2678 9. The Illusionist $3,275,000   -   Total: $27,534,000 LW: 7    WR: 6    THTRS: 1432 10. Little Miss Sunshine $2,875,000   -   Total: $50,340,000 LW: 8    WR: 9    THTRS: 1384 I wish I could say I was surprised. I expected the moronic Jackass: Number Two to be the number one movie in the nation this weekend. Unfortunately, it somehow managed to go one step further. The original Jackass also opened at number one but only took in $22 million. Its successor made over $28 million, proving that America may not only be dumb, it may be gettin dumber. Apart from Jackass' smash success it was another lackluster weekend at the box office. The number two film was a far cry behind the bad boys of stupidity. Jet Li's Fearless only made $10 million. Flyboys crashed and burned into fourth place with only $6 million and the star studded All The King's Men tanked out into seventh with $3.8 million. While Jackass: Number Two banked $9,187 per theater, the big winner in that department was the fantasy drama The Science of Sleep . Only showing in 14 venues, it took in an impressive $24,785 per screen. The little known and bizarrely stylized animated foreign flick Renaissance also opened for the first time on American soil. It only brought in $10,400 total on two screens. Next weekend will be a major push on the part of studios to draw in the box office bucks. Three movies will be opening in over 3,000 theaters each, a huge triple release. Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner's Coast Guard drama The Guardian and Billy Bob Thorton and John Heder's comedy School for Scoundrels will each see 3,000 screens while the CG animated Open Season will open at 3,600. This is a tough time of the year for a major push and it's likely all three will fall a bit flat. While the one with cute fuzzy animals seems a likely winner, look for the Kutcher / Costner combo to be on top of the heap. Here's hoping at least one of them does well enough to unseat the jackasses. Bob H

  
  

Believe it or not, Halloween is right around the corner. Actually,  in keeping with current holiday tradition, candy and displays have been in the stores since about June.

Once again this year all members of the family is involved, including the four legged ones.  And I'd say it's about time PETA is notified. See for yourself.

 

Bob H

From the Dilbert 2006 box calendar:

Remember that money can't buy happiness. But it CAN buy expensive possessions that make other people envious, and that feels just as good. And you can pay to have people whacked.

Thank you.

 

 

Bob H

Most holidays have a long and storied history behind them. Christmas, of course, dates back to the birth of Christ, while Thanksgiving takes us all the way back to 1620 with the Pilgrims. This is the tale of one of our newer holidays, which was born on an Albany racquetball court.

On June 6, 1995, two men, John Baur and Mark Summers, were playing a game of racquetball. As often happens during spirited competitive action, the guys were yelling out friendly encouragement to each other, like "Owww, I think I tore something," and "Not in the face!"

Eventually, these reassuring words began to drift into pirate slang. Talking like pirates made their game more enjoyable, and helped their time on the court pass more quickly. Right then was when their epiphany took place, probably caused by severe hamstring pain: The best way to bring the world back together is to create a new national holiday, Talk Like a Pirate Day.

As Baur and Summers explain on their web site www.talklikeapirate.com, they needed to pick a day for their holiday, so naturally they picked September 19th, because it is Summers' ex-wife's birthday, and a date Mark could remember easily. Upon hearing the news, a thrilled Rhonda Summers reported that she had never been more proud to be Mark's ex-wife.

And since 1995, Baur and Summers have continued to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day, as long as their friends reminded them which day it took place.

But they needed some mainstream attention, so they turned to real nationally syndicated columnist Dave Barry for help. He endorsed their holiday by writing a column about it. Vowing to keep this groundswell going, Baur and Summers reached out to late night talk programs "The Daily Show" and "Late Show with David Letterman" to be turned down for interviews.

At this point, the two have pillaged and plundered their way through a number of radio interviews. John and Mark have spoken to NPR, and stations in Phoenix, Albany, Cleveland, and Sydney, Australia, making Talk Like a Pirate Day a truly international holiday. And Mark was also able to land an interview with Purplebeard, the Gay Pirate, host of Rosie 105 in Portland.

And I'm certainly going to walk the plank to the bandwagon for a cause which supports international harmony. Everyone knows that we need an International Talk Like a Pirate Day, for the simple reason that for one day, guys have an excuse to act like slimy bilge rats. Even women can feel free to swash their own buckles as they see fit.

People have considered variations on this holiday in the past. Suggestions were made for Talk Like Spongebob Squarepants Day, Talk Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Day, and even Talk Like Elvis Day, because some of his outfits could have been worn by pirates. Someone mentioned Talk Like Donald Rumsfeld Day. Was that a good idea? No.

Besides, Washington and Lincoln?s birthdays have been combined for years now, and to show our continued reverence toward these two important historical figures, we have extended our huge white sale for another two weeks. So we still have an opening for a holiday.

On Talk Like a Pirate Day, you can fill your average, mundane workdays with romance, skullduggery, and a whole lot of cock-eyed stares. Pirate language is rich and complicated, but Baur and Summers say that you can get by if you master five basic words.

AHOY!- Hello! To be directed at "me hearty," whoever that may be.

AVAST!- Stop and give attention. This is usually used as a sense of surprise, like if you should see mates coming out of Pirates of the Caribbean II at the movies. Johnny Depp is not a pirate. Pirates are not pretty. And The Pirates of Penzance is an opera. Pirates don't do operas.

AYE!- Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did, me hearty.

AYE AYE!- I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over.

ARRR!- This term offers the most possible meanings. It can mean "Yes," "I'm happy," "I saw Beerfest and it sucked," and "Another round of grog!"

But you need to avoid certain mistakes which may keelhaul you on Talk Like a Pirate Day.

At your workplace, do not make "treasure chest" remarks while reciting an old sea chantey to a wench you met at sea, or at the water cooler.

Never make a reference to Mickey Dolenz' locker at the bottom of the sea or you may be attacked by a marauding band of hooligans from your office staff.

To be successful at the office, you need to replace everyday conversations about completing job assignments with pirate talk, and your day will be much more rewarding.

BOB- Avast there, Missy, and prepare to be boarded.

NANCY- Arrr, ye probably can't even raise the mizzen mast, ye scalawag.

Anyway, this is an idea whose time has come. Talk Like a Parrot Day annoyed too many people, and Talk Like a Parent Day was only fun for your kids. But as Baur and Summers say, You can face Talk Like a Pirate Day with a smile on your face and a parrot on your shoulder, if that's your thing.

In other words, Arrrr!

 The soldier stood and faced his God,
     Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining bright,
     Just as brightly as his brass

"Step forward now, soldier,
     How shall I deal with you?
Have you turned the other cheek?
     To my church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
    " No Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns
     Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays,
     And at times my talk was rough,
Because the world is awfully tough.
     But, I never took a thing
That wasn't mine to keep...
     Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,
     And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
     And sometimes, God forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.
     I know I don't deserve a place
Among the People here,
     They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.
     If you've a place for me here, Lord
It needn't be so grand,
     I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne
     Where the saints often trod
As the soldier waited quietly,
     For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, soldier,
     You've borne your burdens well,
Come walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
     You've done your time in Hell."
 

-T--AnAnonymousHE FI-Anonymous

 

Please consider downloading this musical version that a friend of mine put together if you enjoyed this. Thanks. 

 

The soldier stood and faced his God,
     Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining bright,
     Just as brightlyTHE FINAL INSPECTION

The soldier stood and faced his God,
     Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining bright,
     Just as brightly as his brass

"Step forward now, soldier,
     How shall I deal with you?
Have you turned the other cheek?
     To my church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
    " No Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns
     Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays,
     And at times my talk was rough,
Because the world is awfully tough.
     But, I never took a thing
That wasn't mine to keep...
     Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,
     And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
     And sometimes, God forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.
     I know I don't deserve a place
Among the People here,
     They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.
     If you've a place for me here, Lord
It needn't be so grand,
     I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne
     Where the saints often trod
As the soldier waited quietly,
     For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, soldier,
     You've borne your burdens well,
Come walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
     You've done your time in Hell."
 

as his brass

"Step forward now, soldier,
     How shall I deal with you?
Have you turned the other cheek?
     To my church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
    " No Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns
     Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays,
     And at times my talk was rough,
Because the world is awfully tough.
     But, I never took a thing
That wasn't mine to keep...
     Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,
     And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
     And sometimes, God forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.
     I know I don't deserve a place
Among the People here,
     They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.
     If you've a place for me here, Lord
It needn't be so grand,
     I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne
     Where the saints often trod
As the soldier waited quietly,
     For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, soldier,
     You've borne your burdens well,
Come walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
     You've done your time in Hell."
THE FINAL INSPECTION

The soldier stood and faced his God,
     Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining bright,
     Just as brightly as his brass

"Step forward now, soldier,
     How shall I deal with you?
Have you turned the other cheek?
     To my church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
    " No Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns
     Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays,
     And at times my talk was rough,
Because the world is awfully tough.
     But, I never took a thing
That wasn't mine to keep...
     Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,
     And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
     And sometimes, God forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.
     I know I don't deserve a place
Among the People here,
     They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.
     If you've a place for me here, Lord
It needn't be so grand,
     I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne
     Where the saints often trod
As the soldier waited quietly,
     For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, soldier,
     You've borne your burdens well,
Come walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
     You've done your time in Hell."