According to Ananova:

Today is the happiest day of the year.

Experts found that people were more happy on May 18 because it is spring, the days are sunnier and longer and there is a Bank Holiday soon.

The most miserable day of the year is January 3 when thousands of people return to work after the Christmas break.

According to The Sun Skills minister Phil Hope said: "Spring is all about new beginnings. This time of year can give us all a renewed enthusiasm."

If you don't know, Ananova is a respected news source which is nearly as reliable as the Weekly World News. I hope you followed their orders today. Anything less than unrestrained frivolity is strictly verboten! Why in the world would someone be happy about a bank holiday?

Bob H

Today I was able to work with an intern down at my job. I work at a Sony DADC ( Don't Ask, Don't Care ) plant in South Jersey. I work with reach forks occasionally, and have to do a lot of inventory. The intern seemed like a nice guy, but at what point in your Penn State time do you decide, "This is what I want as a career. I want to work in a factory." This is the type of decision I would make in school after conducting numerous beer bong experiments.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to have a job and a paycheck. But I believe people look at the name "Sony" and are impressed with the overall organization. You need all of your operations working together in the body of a corporation in order to be successful. I believe our plant makes up the kidneys.

It's a good thing I supplement my income with freelance writing. I'll always have that. The last time I was paid by a newspaper was for a column about buzzards. It's always so nice to know that you're making a difference.

Bob H

When we write, sometimes we receive our inspirations from many different sources. A gentleman named Joel Achenbach from the Washington Post recently expounded on a quite worthwhile lifestyle change.

Since rededicating myself to a life of leisure I have been vexed by the many different options for serious inactivity. Naively I thought I could begin the day by vowing to be unproductive, and then just let things happen from there. I would just "putter around." I've known world-class putterers and have been in awe of their ability, while puttering, to downshift further, to the point that they cease all discernible physical or even metabolic activity. But that takes practice. Those of us still in our puttering apprenticeship have to be disciplined and careful. If you don't have a strategy for sloth, and the iron will to stick to your plan, you'll get pulled in every direction and suddenly find yourself on the verge of achieving something.

At one point I was watching a baseball game AND playing minesweeper on the laptop, a clear violation of the No Multitasking rule. I fielded two phone calls, conversed with someone passing on the street, and made a variety of exhausting mental plans for the weekend, including trips to the wine store and the coffee shop and multiple naps. It's like I'm a whirling dervish, incapable of relaxing. What's next, I'll write a novel? Cure the common cold? Someone, hose me down!

We live in a society so obsessed with money and power and influence and social status and material objects and big houses and shiny cars, that we often fail to appreciate the simple pleasures, such as waking in the morning to the realization that you've never amounted to anything and never will. Failure is something that few of us have ever learned to savor.

A key to disciplined sloth is to refuse to park more than a block from the intended destination. There ought to be a parking spot closer, and if there's not, you might as well go home and forget about it. People will say, "Why didn't you go to that thing?" and you'll have to tell them, "No parking." This applies even if you're trying to attend your own wedding.

I hope this has been inspiring on this Friday morning, as you make plans for the weekend, unwisely.

At this point, I guess you're wondering why I've gathered you all here. So am I, because in general, I have little to offer. I don't dance, I don't sing, I'm not a musician, and I'm not a poet. I've heard you should do what you like best. I like to bitch a lot.

I call this little forum "Unskilled and Mediocre" because that's basically what I am. I like to rant about anything and everything, much of it middle class, and I hope you do, too.

I believe that one of the things they want here at Blogstream is to tell 100 facts about yourself. I hope you read this before bedtime, because my life will cut down anyone's need for Ambien.

Anyway, I am a freelance writer from southern New Jersey who has been published in a few local newspapers on slow news days. I deal in what I call "attempted humor" because I get sick of all the bad news these days. I realize that we all deal with it the best we can, but I subscribe to the theory of that old philosopher Dogbert, who once said, "People are all idiots who deserve to be mocked." I try to base my life around the words of another wise man(or guy) George Costanza, who once said, "It's not a lie if YOU believe it."

Also, I have never seen American Idol. I'm rooting for the naked fat guy to win. I saw 20 minutes of the first Survivor, became bored, and never watched it again. And I haven't read The DaVinci Code.

I need to provide a blatant plug for a good friend of mine who introduced me to Blogstream. Her name is Debbie, or deeej, and her blog is called "Deb's Diddies: A Wandering Mind." Debbie is a gifted and incredibly talented writer who has a collection of poetry and memoirs available called "This Ain't Shakespeare: But It Sure Is Real." This would be the perfect stocking stuffer for Mother's Day, if you're into that kind of thing. Debbie is as good as it gets as a mother and a person, despite constantly fighting to overcome a serious shoe obsession. Her book is a purchase you won't regret.

As for me, I'll figure out what I'm doing here in time. We'll try a few things and try to make this fun. Please feel free to comment, make suggestions, bitch, moan, complain, etc. I mean no harm, and hope to meet a lot of you. Unless the authorities step in.

Bob H